Ah, says I, I'll take a quick snap of the red sky tonight to show my dear readers what one of Lancaster's cloudless skies looks like ...
What the bloody hell is that?? She's put on some kind of oversaturated Snapchat filter to make it all super technicolour like that, I hear you cry. Well, I didn't. I opened the camera app, just like I did yesterday, took a photo and then was shocked to my core – my core, I tell you. So many colours!
Hmmm, I tried to fiddle with some settings but didn't achieve anything except some head scratching. I'd best just walk, I thought, otherwise I'll be standing here all night and the police'll come and fine me for not being out on essential business. Yes, I know, I have a responsibility to my global readers, but I don't think the police would understand.
I took another photo – same. I thought I'd just be showing you the same gloomy streets as usual, but all I've got on my camera roll from this evening is this nonsnese. I mean, it's quite sharp, I'll give it that; and if I zoom in on the phone I can see quite a lot of detail. But that's not the point! It feels like a lie – the sky just wasn't that blue.
Anyway, not to worry. For a quick walk this evening, I decided I'd go and do that hill again, the one I did the other day that was easy – Margaret's hill. I said I'd do it in the other direction because it's steeper, and I just needed a quick leg stretch so this was perfect.
But I needed to show you just how steep it was, and you don't really get a sense from standing-up eye level, so I decided to try sitting-down eye level. Obviously, just as I was taking the photo a car came over the crest of the hill and I had to scramble very elegantly to my massive feet.
I still didn't feel as though I'd captured the degree of the incline here, though.
I tried a sideways shot of the pavement on the other side of the road. Can you tell how steep it is? It's definitely a hill, but is it a steep hill? I felt that this belied the extent of my climbing efforts, and those of the poor people who live up here at this high altitude ... several whole metres above sea level.
A lying-down eye level shot it had to be. Can you see now just how steep this hill is? Very steep. I genuinely did lie down on the edge of the pavement. I wonder if the local paper will do a feature on me and ask if anyone knows the myterious person who wanders about town taking photos in weird places. 'If you, or anyone you know, sees this person, believed to be female, taking photos of pavements and the moon, do not approach.'
Halfway up this massive hill, I thought I'd have a little rest and see how far I'd come. Ooph, look at that – I felt a bit dizzy, I was so high up.
I didn't go up this next bit – this is another street that leads off from Margaret's hill and goes even higher. I don't know whose hill that is. I'll put it on the list to explore another day, because I have no idea where it leads to.
Anyway, I made it to the top of Margaret's hill without accident or injury, so that was good. I realised that I showed you the stylish lion completely out of its full context the other day. Here, if you have a look at it with its pal, I'm thinking that the owner is working their way up to a full driveway chess set.
I toddled off home then, but thought to liven things up a little with a scary ginnel – actually, we've always called this one an alley. But bloody hell, new iPhone! Where are you taking us, to see the effin' jeffin' Wizard of Oz? I mean, come on – rainbows?! What are you playing at?
It took me a further 20 minutes to get home because I was faffing with the camera settings, trying to get some of those atmospheric and wonderful pitch black photos that we've all come to love. Aha, a skip full of rubbish – what will it make of that? Obviously, it's photographed it as some kind of maginficant birthday cake! FFS.
I shall investigate this further.
Until tomorrow, we're off to see the wizard ...
WQ
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